I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
