it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
