I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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