eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
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