there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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