haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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