Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
