When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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