Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
