Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
