I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
