We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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