If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
