is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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