You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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