i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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