she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
