wrigley field is MILF paradise
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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