You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
