I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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