you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
