Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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