I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize