bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
