dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize