The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
