During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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