I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
