All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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