Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's never too late to be topless.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
