Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize
