How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
