she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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