Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
3pm strippers are depressing
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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