We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
