Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
