Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
