U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
