my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
