I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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