plz talk dirty to me
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
