dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize