Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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