Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
my poor anus
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize