i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
