She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
