i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
