i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
