Just fell off a train. Bad.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
