i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
