I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
