soooo we both peed the bed last night...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
