Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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