Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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