when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
