can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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