You were right. It hurts to walk today.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
