This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
and i looked up. we had an audience...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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