I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize