Do you still have your period?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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