I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
