cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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