i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
