Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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