No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
