Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
