Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
