Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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