I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
