Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
