We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
