so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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