she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Is it because I queefed?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
