I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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