why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
