The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
