my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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