I accidentally had phone sex last night
so that wasnt chicken after all
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize