What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
