No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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