So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize