I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
