I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
