Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
How's work?
Spinning.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
