The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
