Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
