Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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