If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
