I got chris browned last night
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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