I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You're like the curious george of whores
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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