Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
