Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
