The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The air was thick with penises
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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